Excessive kindness and self-sabotage.

Self-Sabotage and Excessive Kindness

​We assume that a good deed, a few well-placed, comforting, or other words are considered to be "kind". Kindness is a state of mind and a disposition to act in a friendly, benevolent, thoughtful, and respectful way toward others. But we also know that excessive kindness sometimes stems from a fear or a lack in some people. The excess of this kindness can be perceived as a flaw and be used by ill-intentioned individuals.

​Self-sabotage is a term used in psychology to refer to someone who harms themselves; it is a psychological phenomenon, often unconscious, in which a person prevents themselves from achieving their goals and succeeding. Often the result of trauma, fear, or a lack, it can also lead to an excess of kindness, even to the point of putting the needs of others before one's own. It is the destruction of oneself, one's well-being, and one's happiness. Most of the time it is an unconscious act; we can't help but self-destruct, most commonly due to certain factors (internal conflict, low self-esteem).

​Depending on the context or situation, self-sabotage might stem from a good intention. This practice, which consists of harming oneself in any manner or for any reason, is seen differently when we talk about love or friendship. We are no longer in the destruction of the self but rather in the destruction of the relationship, of the attachment bond. Either to protect oneself, which is the most common, or out of fear, lack of self-confidence, or because of the wounds of past trauma. In both cases, it represents something quite destructive, especially when you truly loved the person or genuinely cared about the relationship.

​Excessive kindness, self-sabotage, false modesty, or even imposter syndrome all have one thing in common: "the self." This common point, from a very young age or throughout life, experiences failures, rejections, and the judgment of others. Over time, it tries to please, to do what others expect of it, all while forgetting what it expects of itself. It doubts, it gets lost, and ends up losing confidence in itself. It starts to be afraid, and what does a human being do when they are afraid in this kind of situation? They protect themselves. By trying to anticipate, to flee what they haven't known or what they don't know, by building or creating walls that will also prevent them from moving forward.